Self-Sabotage in a Pandemic
I worry about self-sabotage during this global pandemic. COVIID-19 has us all --Democrats, Republicans, men, women, children, pets- on edge. How long will we be in lockdown? What will happen once the cities fully open?
Important thoughts for sure, but they can tear a hole through your soul. You feel defeated, unsure, scared, and possibly broke. Now, more than ever, we have to fight self-sabotage and there are countless ways to sabotage yourself.
Here are the main ones I’ve seen affect people in my communication skills practice:
Procrastination
Delaying or postponing meaningful action, which takes many forms, including arriving late. Few things shout out "I'm unreliable!" than recurrently arriving late.
Negative Thinking
Many self-saboteurs focus on the wrong things in their lives. Instead of celebrating the positives, they are drawn like a moth to a flame to what is missing, what is lacking, what is wrong, which only attracts more negativity.
Comparing Yourself to Others
When people compare themselves to others, they invariably end up feeling unmotivated. They feel like they will never be good enough because they aren’t doing, getting, achieving in the same way as Joe or Susie, which results in poor self esteem and inertia.
Lack of Focus
Many self-saboteurs feel adrift because they can’t find meaning in their lives. Without purpose, what’s the point?
Engaging in Bad Habits
Some people smoke, oversleep, don't exercise, or over drink. All of these are self-sabotaging behaviors that hold people back from achieving their goals. Alcoholism and drug addiction is on an upward trajectory due to the lockdown we’re suffering with.
Getting to the root of these will help begin to alleviate them. Remember, self-awareness is your most important and powerful tool for change.
Reality Check
Look at the following questions and really think about them before you answer them. Your answers here will guide you in some of the ways you're allowing your life to sabotage you, and help create guidelines to taking your life back.
Do you have more than 10 things on your to-do list?
When you have a big project ahead of you, do you look at the whole project do you break it down into pieces?
If you have a big task ahead, do you hide from it or roll up your sleeves to take it on?
Do you opt out of things that are elective?
When someone confronts you, do you listen? Do you withdraw? (Or is your safe place the bully?)
What’s most important to you – past, present, or future?
When something happens to you, do you react immediately or do you stew on it for a while?
Do you willingly listen to advice?
Do you have friends and mentors that are both older and younger than you? How do you choose them?
10. Do you make “me time”? If so, how much?
11. Do people come to you for advice?
12. Are people open to working with you?
Let's break down the questions now.
1. Do you have more than 10 things on your to-do list?
If you answered yes, you are probably sabotaging yourself. On your to-do list, write down things that are out of the ordinary. “School pick up,” “folding laundry,” “fixing dinner” are not what need to be on a to-do list. It's for out-of-the-ordinary things like “drop off camp forms” or “shop for Annie's birthday gift.” People over-list and they are never able to cross everything off, and that only creates frustration. Simplify.
2. When you have a big project ahead of you, do you look at the whole project do you break it down into pieces?
If you answered “try to deal with it all at once,” you are sabotaging yourself. The only way for you to properly absorb a big project is to break it down into its component parts and attack those parts one by one. Baby steps. Otherwise, you're just going to overwhelm yourself, which will probably lead to procrastination and other bad things, most especially a project left undone.
3. If you have a big task ahead, do you hide from it or roll up your sleeves to take it on?
If you answered that you hide from it, in other words, put it off, you are sabotaging yourself. The phrase “You can do anything you put your mind to” is true, but it's oversimplified. Yes, you can overcome great obstacles and you can find the endurance to scale daunting, exhausting hurdles. But, as above, you have to break it down. Instead of hiding from something that has to get done, dissect it. Not only will you make the project seem more manageable, you'll also gain a greater sense of knowledge and intimacy with it. All winning things.
4. Do you opt out of things that are elective?
If you answered “yes,” that if you don't have to take an extra class or seminar or attend a meeting that could give you valuable information even though your presence is not mandatory, you are sabotaging yourself. If you're not ready or able to ask yourself “What do I have to gain from this” at least give yourself “What do I have to lose?” Going the extra mile always gets you ahead. Your progress may not be immediately trackable, but the more you gain, the more you can offer.
5. When someone confronts you, do you listen? Do you withdraw? (Or is your safe place the bully?)
If you tend to withdraw from confrontation or lash out, you are sabotaging yourself. We're going to get into this much more deeply in the chapter on Attitude, but you'd be surprised how many conflicts can be resolved quickly and painlessly if you just keep your cool.
6. What’s most important to you – past, present, or future?
If you answered either “past” or “future,” you are sabotaging yourself. Someone once said, “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. That's why it's called the present.” You can't change the past; you can't control the future. You can keep your eye on the prize down the road, to keep you stimulated and engaged. But you have to stay focused in the present to be able to take like one step at a time.
Where are you RIGHT NOW. Define it. Feel it. Understand it. Focus on the here and now.
7. When something happens to you, do you react immediately or do you stew on it for a while?
If you react immediately, impulsively, in a kneejerk kind of way, you are probably sabotaging yourself. Especially when a situation is charged with emotion. Things are often not as bad as they seem once the storm passes. React without thinking and you may find yourself burning some bridges.
8. Do you willingly listen to advice?
Simply listening to advice does not mean you have to take the advice, but opening yourself to other opinions and perceptions is important to finding a solution. If you just block out everyone's opinion except your own, you are sabotaging yourself. It's important to let the information come in, and for you to know how to filter it.
9. Do you have friends and mentors that are both older and younger than you?
If you only listen to people who are older than you, you're missing out on a wealth of information about advances that have happened and have been studied about long after you've left the classroom. If you don't have mentors of all ages, you're probably sabotaging yourself.
10. Do you make “me time”?
If you don't have any time for yourself, you'll never know who you are, what you need to be happy, and what you need to get to achieve your dreams. If you make no time, or very little time, to be alone and think things through, you are sabotaging yourself.
11. Do people come to you for advice?
If no one asks your opinion about anything, it's a pretty good sign that people either think you're a hot mess, or that you're totally unapproachable. Of course both of these are sabotage! Being a hot mess is obviously so, but people feeling they can't approach you can trip you up in so many ways.
12. Are people open to working with you?
This goes along with the point above. If people are not open to working with you—if they perceive you as being ineffective or bullying or unappealing or messy or disorganized or rude or... The list goes on. If no one wants to be on your team, you've got to
Get more tips about getting out of your own way in Your Self Sabotage Survival Guide by Karen Berg: https://tinyurl.com/y786t4ax