Rx for Misery
Hate your job, your wife, your husband, your kids? Do you walk with your head down, pushing one foot in front of the other? You wish you had married that great guy / gal you dated in college? Now, thirty years, three kids later, you’re still wishing that you had married your college sweetheart? OK
There is no one you can think of more miserable than you.
Really?
Watch a few episodes of “Orange is the New Black” Maybe that will knock some sense into your head.
Take a ride through the Kensington neighborhood in Philadelphia, the place which is famous for sheer numbers of homeless, incurable drug addicts and the mentally unstable. Look and learn.
Are you really miserable. Really? What about a beautiful sunrise. Do you see the beautiful butterfly sitting by the river or that interesting 300 year old Maple tree in bud. Look, really look. Imagine all the secrets the 300 year old Maple is holding underneath its bark No? Nothing? Don’t feel a thing? Oh dear
You really do need to buck up.
My mother was famous for quoting a Scottish proverb “If wishes were horses then beggars would ride” suggesting, of course, through magical thinking we can change our lives for the better. Not so fast.
You were dealt the hand you have. Work with it.
Can’t get ahead in the company because your boss sucks? You’re sure it’s your boss and you play no role in the discontent? OK, you’re sure. Did you ever try to have a conversation with your boss about your relationship? Don’t know how to tell him/her you’re dissatisfied? Oh, OK, you like to complain not act.
That’s a choice, to be sure. So, if you’re not ready to confront your boss, then tell somebody who might be able to help you craft a strategy.
I spend a considerable amount of time coaching executives in your very situation. It’s difficult to take the emotion out of an argument until you can diffuse the anger. Meeting with a communication coach can be that sounding board to help you get your feelings under control.
Don’t feel like checking in with an expert? OK, here’s a structure for you to go it alone.
Structure:
Take a piece of paper. Put minus sign------- on the left side plus sign++++++ on the right side.
Sit in a quiet corner away from distractions. There only with your own thoughts and feelings. Yes, it is tough.
On the left side, list all the reasons you don’t get along with your boss. Write the list as if it were a grocery list
On the right side list all the things you appreciate about your boss, if not the personality but the accomplishments within the organization especially if they have direct consequence for you and your work.
Take another piece of paper. Do the exact same exercise only You are the subject.
When you complete both lists, compare them. I will be hard pressed to believe you if you say there are no similarities, nothing you could grab onto to use as an opening to talk and possibly with your boss.
There will be something, for sure. Take that something or somethings and use that as your way to connect and bond with your boss.
Ask for the meeting. Make sure you are both seated.. What you don’t want is for the boss to be sitting behind the big desk and you standing before him in supplication.. (FL: I love the word supplicant I don’t know if I’m using appropriately. )
Not ready to take that big step. You feel too vulnerable right now? OK. Then, for a time, keep a running list about both of you. In the meantime, TELL SOMEONE. Tell someone your story.
I lost my best friend whose wife had had him arrested for unusual and unruly behavior and never thought to call the doctor. And the friend was embarrassed to tell anyone that he was having problems with confusion, incontinence. Then when he finally descended into madness, he could no longer communicate. He needed to have spoken up months or years ago. Pride, embarrassment, lack of communication skills all held him back. This man, a genius, had dementia and should have been in a hospital not in jail.
Tell Someone Before it’s too late. Life is too short to be in a continuous state of misery.
Get more exciting communication tips in Loud and Clear by Karen Berg. Read more here: https://tinyurl.com/wm2tod4